Heavy Metal 2000 - No cult classic here

Heavy Metal 2000 is a DTV sequel to - appropriately enough - Heavy Metal, the 1981 animated cult classic. Like the original film, Heavy Metal 2000 gives us lots of rocking music, plenty of violence and - of course - cartoon boobies. Unlike its predecessor, however, Heavy Metal 2000 fails to deliver its hardcore content in a way that entertains - or even amuses - the audience.

I was actually pretty stoked to watch this movie in 2000 (hey, that's the same year in the film's title ... what a coincidence). Though I wouldn't say I "loved" the original Heavy Metal, I certainly enjoyed it and welcomed the opportunity to see more mature themed science fiction-fantasy. Unfortunately Heavy Metal 2000's hideously poor execution prevents the film from succeeding on any level.

The story of Heavy Metal 2000 goes something like this. There was once a race of creatures called the Arakacians who created a fountain of immortality that allowed them to ravage the universe. Upon their defeat, however, the fountain was locked away and its key cast into deep space. Years later, the key is uncovered by some asteroid miners, one of whom touches the mysterious object and is driven insane by it. This man - whose name is Tyler - begins killing his fellow workers indiscriminately and eventually takes control of the mining vessel - as well as its crew - so that he can begin his quest to find the fountain of immortality. During his travels, Tyler comes across the planet of Eden (which really doesn't look like much of a paradise), home to a small settlement of people who - unbeknownst to them - have trace amounts of immortal water running through their veins. Having devised a way to distill this precious liquid from living organisms, Tyler lays waste to the peaceful settlement and either kills or kidnaps its populace so that they can be harvested. The only person to escape this fate is Julie, the film's obligatory bad ass hot chick who sets out on a journey to find Tyler and take revenge for her people. Obviously, this story lacks depth. That said, I won't condemn it because were talking about Heavy Metal. It isn't supposed to be intelligent or original, it's supposed to be violent, bloody and over sexed, all things that Heavy Metal 2000's creators understood. Unfortunately, what they didn't understand was how to make a good movie.

The first problem with Heavy Metal 2000 is that it foregoes its predecessors formula of using short stories in favor of a single narrative. Though I normally prefer my movies have a singular plot, the decision to move away from vignettes was a mistake in this case. One of the strengths of the original Heavy Metal was its variety. The film had noir, horror, comedy, fantasy and a variety of other genre combinations to enjoy. Even if you didn't like the story you were watching, that was ok because a completely different one would follow it. Had Heavy Metal 2000 continued this tradition, the film would have stood a much better chance of success. Instead Heavy Metal 2000 was based on a graphic novel titled "The Melting Pot" by Kevin Eastman, Simon Bisley and Eric Talbot. I've never read the source material for Heavy Metal 2000, so I honestly don't know how closely the film follows it. Regardless, the overall plot of this movie is pretty weak, but as I stated earlier that's ok. Heavy Metal isn't about intelligent or original storytelling, it's all about music, sex and violence, in other words it's supposed to be cool. Sadly, the use of both sex and violence (I'll save the music for later) in this film isn't just uncool, it all too often sucks.

I'll start with the violence. Heavy Metal 2000 delivers plenty of blood, beheadings, disembowelments and other general gore synonymous with the franchise. Unfortunately, these scenes don't really feel all that brutal or creative by todays standards. With the plethora of action and horror films now available, directors must work harder than ever if they want an audience to squirm, even in animation. Instead of doing this, however, Heavy Metal 2000 just kind of goes through the motions and the violence feels cold and distant because of it. Perhaps I've just become desensitized to such things, but outside of the gladiatorial lizard-man battle and Julie's final showdown with Tyler, I found most of the blood and guts in this film uninspired and boring. To be clear, I'm not saying this movie should be more violent - it's got plenty - I'm saying that it needs to be more creative with its use of it. Of course, a lot of the blame must go to the movies animators. These people clearly didn't have the creative vision necessary to bring a Heavy Metal film to life, and the pedestrian - albeit gory - violence is just a result of that.

Ok, before I go any further I just want to say that the next paragraph deals with the sexual content of Heavy Metal 2000. Normally I don't care for female exploitation in my entertainment, but with Heavy Metal one must accept such things without complaint, to do otherwise is just naive and pointless. Alright, so lets talk about sex baby! There's so much sex in this movie that ... wait a second, what do you mean there's no sex? Well, unlike the original Heavy Metal film - which had numerous sex scenes - Heavy Metal 2000 has none. There's plenty of nudity mind you, but nobody ends up doing the deed when it's all said and done. Now this isn't really a problem for me, but for guys who expect to see the same level of naughtiness in this film that they got in the original, you will be sorely disappointed. That little warning aside, I found most of the titillation in this movie either random or slapped on. It's like the writers were just reading over the script and said "We've gone five minutes without smut, better throw some in". Examples include the shower scene from the start of the film, the sex robot (whose only purpose was to set up a horrible one liner) and Julie's unwilling make-out session with some kind of river troll creature. None of these scenes had any purpose within the larger context of the story. Worse, their insertion into the film feels random and awkward. Once again, I don't have any issues with the subject matter being portrayed here, I just think the writers attempts to titillate are lazy.

Other problems related to Heavy Metal 2000's storytelling include the general dialog and flippant one liners. First off, the dialog is atrocious. I don't know if this is the same script as the graphic novel, or revised dialog done specifically for the movie. Regardless, it doesn't work at all when spoken aloud, most notably with the film's main character Julie. Almost all of her exchanges with the various other characters in this film are unbearable, especially when she's trying to act tough. Making matters worse is the fact that the one liners in this movie stink. Now I know there is a certain charm to cheesy one liners, but whatever that appeal is, this movie doesn't have it. I think the one that made me want to vomit most was the aforementioned sex robot one liner "Was it good for you?", Jesus Christ on a pogo stick that was awful. Seriously, was this a piece of fanfiction? I know that the graphic novel was done by a bunch of artists (two of which created the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), but wasn't there a screen writer around to fix this? Anyway, I may not expect brilliant dialog or clever humor from Heavy Metal, but I do expect a certain level of professional pride and competence, neither of which I found here.

So, up to this point we have some uninteresting violence, inept attempts at erotica and terrible dialog. Not exactly a rousing start for this review, but the visual side of Heavy Metal 2000 can't be that bad ... right? Wrong, the animation in this movie ranges from generic, to amateurish. Say what you will about the low-budget animation in the first Heavy Metal movie, it had style. A visual flair that helped carry the film past its budgetary limitations. Such is not the case with Heavy Metal 2000. The overall look of this movie is so uninspired and generic, it's just sad. The only real effort I saw to make this movie look like Heavy Metal would have been with Tyler. You could see some attempt to give Tyler a distinct, almost caricature styled appearance. Unfortunately, these attempts fall woefully short of being successful because the animators don't take the exaggeration far enough. As I said before, the animation crew for Heavy Metal 2000 just didn't have the creative vision necessary to do this movie. There's supposed to be an indy type vibe with this franchise, an exaggerated style that visually matches the outrageous subject matter. Instead, Heavy Metal 2000 appears to be holding back, like it's afraid of going too far so it ends up looking like any other DTV film. More bloody and full of cartoon boobs sure, but otherwise indistinguishable from the rest of its cousins.

Then there's the CGI (oh god the CGI). Just about everything that could be done wrong with the computer animation in this film was done wrong. The overall look and execution is like something out of an internet video, the application was far too abundant and the merging of computer animation to traditional is awful. Now truth be told, there are plenty of other DTVs from this time with similar problems. Heck, one of my favorite movies from this era is Batman Subzero, and that thing had the ugliest CGI Batwing in history. So it is possible to make a good movie with bad computer animation. The problem with Heavy Metal 2000 isn't just one of poor quality though, the bigger issue at work here is the inability of the films creators to show restraint with its use. Examples include numerous traditionally rendered buildings being burned by CGI fire, characters being knocked forward by CGI explosions and an Arakacian alien animated entirely in CG! What are you doing here guys? Why would you take a tool you clearly don't understand and use it everywhere, can't you see how terrible it looks? When it's all said and done the execution of Heavy Metal 2000's computer animation looks like something you would see in a YouTube clip, amateurish and unrestrained.

The voice acting of Heavy Metal 2000 is mostly middle of the row. The only standouts would be the performances given to the films two main characters, Julie and Tyler. Tyler is voiced by Michael Ironside, the veteran actor who gave life to Darkseid in Superman the Animated Series. With a wealth of experience - not to mention talent - Ironside manages to overcome the scripts hideous dialog and pulls off the roll of Tyler relatively well. Conversely, Julie Strain Eastman delivers an absolutely egregious performance as Julie. Known primarily for her rolls in B movies, Strain Eastman clearly has no talent for voice acting and only worsens the films already bad script. Being that she was married to Heavy Metal Editor and Chief Kevin Eastman at the time, many a disparaging remakes have been made about Mr. Eastman's obvious desire to tailor the films female lead around his wife. Given the unfortunate results of his misguided affections, I have to agree with these haters.

Musically speaking, Heavy Metal 2000 has - shockingly enough - a lot of metal music. It features songs by Coal Chamber, Apartment 26, Billy Idol, Monster Magnet, Pantera, System of a Down, Queens of the Stone Age and Puya. Now I'm not much of a heavy metal aficionado, but even I recognize these band names, and overall I think they complement the Heavy Metal franchise nicely. Truth be told, this is easily the films strongest attribute.

When it's all said and done, Heavy Metal 2000 just isn't worth your time. The film's plot is (justifiably) anemic, the violence is unremarkable and the sexual content tepid. Couple that with some horrible voice acting of awful dialog, and you got a pretty F'd up movie. Sure, the film has a good soundtrack, but you can always buy that separately and spare yourself this animated mishap. So I guess there just isn't any good reason to watch this flick. If you're looking for some animated Heavy Metal, stick with the original; if you're looking for some outrageous violence, checkout anime like Afro Samurai; and if all you want is some good cartoon titillation, I recommend the first six episodes of Stripperella (I'm serious. Kevin Altieri's work on the first six episodes of that show was great).

DC Showcase - If you don't already own them, these short stories are worth your time

A while back it was announced that Warner Bros. Animation would create a series of animated shorts featuring some of the lesser known heroes of the DC Universe. The plan was to have a different short included on the two-disc and Blu-ray releases of Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths, Batman: Under the Red Hood and Batman/Superman Apocalypse. The reason for this was pretty obvious of course. By including these vignettes on the more expensive DVD and Blu-ray versions of their films - but not on the cheaper single-disc versions - Warner Bros. hoped to upsell buyers and increase their profit margin (which is a goal I have no problem with). That being said, I decided to stick with the cheaper DVD releases and forego these short stories, even though I really wanted to watch them. Why, you ask? Because I was pretty darn sure that Warner Bros. would repurpose this content into a standalone DTV I could buy for far less money than upgrading to the Blu-ray or two-disc DVD versions of the films mentioned above. Heck, I thought they might even throw some new content into the collection if I was lucky. Well, it turns out I was right (for once) and DC Showcase - which collects all three, previously released, shorts and includes a new 22 minute Shazam story - is now available for purchase.

Now before I go any further with this review, let me just say that anybody who already owns these DC Showcase shorts should not pay full price for this DVD. A single - 22 minute - story about Shazam, Black Adam and Superman is not worthy of a full price purchase by itself (after all you already have the other shorts). If, however, you do not own any of these stories, you're getting over an hours worth of new content, so it's actually a pretty decent deal.

Alright, so the four short stories featured on this DVD are: Superman/Shazam: The Return of Black Adam, The Spectre, Green Arrow and Jonah Hex. Being that none of these stories is feature length, I think it would be easiest to talk about each individually.

Let's start with Shazam. This 22 minute story (by far the longest of the collection) is awesome. The story begins with Black Adam's return to earth after 5,000 years of banishment. Upon his arrival, Black Adam seeks out Billy Batson, a young orphan who has somehow retained his innocence despite being a child of the streets. Unbeknownst to Billy, he has been chosen by the wizard Shazam to receive great power so that he can become the protector of humanity, a fate Black Adam intends to prevent by pre-emptively killing the boy. Fortunately Superman is there to help protect Billy as he learns of his mission and assumes the role of Captain Marvel. Obviously, the short running time of this story requires that the plot move at a fast pace. Luckily, the writer does a good job of getting us set up early on so that we can dig into some fantastic action throughout the rest of the film. Besides the beautiful animation and excellent fight choreography, the thing that really impressed me about this shorts visuals was the use of slow motion. Given the inherent difficulties of doing slow motion in animation, I was really amazed by some of the great action shots done in Superman/Shazam. Expertly crafted from start to finish, this story is tied with Green Arrow as my favorite in the set.

Next up is DC's most prolific source of supernatural punishment, The Spectre. Set in 1970s Hollywood, this story is all about murder and vengeance. Though not an especially mysterious - or original - story, the thing that makes this short work so well is the look and sound. Perfectly executed in a retro style, both the music and sound from The Spectre feel like they're from a 1970s murder mystery film. Complementing this superb audio is animation that not only looks good, but also looks aged with intentional dust and scratches being added throughout the story. A fantastic homage to 1970s cinema, The Spectre is another solid addition to this collection.

The third installment to DC Showcase is Green Arrow. I'll be honest, I've never been a big fan of Green Arrow. It's not that I dislike the character or anything, I've just never been all that interested in him and I wasn't really all that excited to see his short. So imagine my surprise when I finished this story and thought to myself "Wow, that was as good as Superman/Shazam!". While picking up his girlfriend (Black Canary) from the airport, Green Arrow soon finds himself protecting a pre-teen princess from multiple assassins who have targeted her for execution. It's a lot like Die Hard I guess, but with more arrows. Anyway, this is a great short. The animation is excellent, the staging, settings, choreography fantastic and the ending ... perfect.

The last - and in my opinion least impressive - short in this set is Jonah Hex. The story basically revolves around a female prostitute/tavern owner who tricks men flush with cash into coming up to her room with the promise of a good time, but kills and robs them instead. Eventually, Jonah comes looking for one of these men - who has a bounty on his head - and soon finds himself squaring off with the aforementioned prostitute and her cronies. It's not a bad story by any means, but when compared to the other three of the set it just doesn't feel all that special. That said, the animation in this installment is good and the directing (all the shorts are directed by Joaquim Dos Santos) solid.

So there you have it. DC Showcase my not be the most substancial DTV release to come out of Warner Bros. Animation, but it still gets the job done nicely. Personally, I hope to see more of these short stories by Bruce Timm and company. It's obvious we won't be getting full fledged animated features starring characters like the Atom anytime soon, so bite sized films like this are as good as it gets. Once again, I must emphasize that people who already own The Spectre, Green Arrow and Jonah Hex shorts from previous DVD releases should not buy this at full price, doing so would be a rip-off in my mind. Additionally, I would advise most consumers to purchase the single-disc version of the film. I just don't feel that an overly expensive Blu-ray is necessary considering the amount of content you're given (if you really want to see it on Blu-ray, rent it).

ThunderCats season one - probably not a good as you remember

There were a lot of action-adventure cartoons made during the 1980s (and I mean a lot), some were successful, others fell to the wayside. Amidst this plethora of animated entertainment a few shows rose up and achieved not only financial success, but a certain degree of nostalgic immortality. ThunderCats is one such show.

Premiering in 1985, ThunderCats ran an astounding 130 episodes before it's conclusion in 1990. Despite its massive popularity, I never got to see much of the ThunderCats during its initial run (that means I have no nostalgia for it). I wanted to watch of course (what young boy wouldn't?), but the show fell into a difficult time slot for me and I was never able to get home from school fast enough to catch it. Years later, after my graduation from high-school, ThunderCats reappeared on Cartoon Network's Toonami block and I was excited to see what I had missed in my youth. Unfortunately I had not yet realized how bad 1980s action-adventure cartoons were and was instantly turned off by the childish stories and hideous voice acting. Now, more than ten years later, I can finally say that I've seen ThunderCats, having endured the first 65 episodes (season one) of the classic action-adventure series on DVD. I say "endured" because despite its visual excellence, ThunderCats features rarely good, often bad, but mostly average stories throughout its first season.

The story of the ThunderCats begins with a group of anthropomorphic cats fleeing their doomed planet of Thundera and traveling to a new homeworld. While escaping this Krypton-esque situation, the ThunderCats are attacked by a band of bloodthirsty Mutants from the planet Plun-Darr. These ruthless marauders destroy nearly all of the escaping vessels from Thundera, the exception being a ship carrying the Thundercat nobility, including future Lord of the ThunderCats, Lion-O. Once this Mutant assault is repelled, our small group of refugees realize they cannot reach their new home due to the damage sustained by their ship during the battle, instead they must venture to "Third Earth" a planet that will take many more years to reach than their previous destination. With no other options available the ThunderCats - which include the aforementioned Lion-O (young boy destined to lead the ThunderCats), Tygra (science guy), Cheetara (female speedster), Panthro (engineer and inventor), Snarf (Lino-O's nursemaid), WilyKit and WilyKat (twin troublemakers) - go into stasis sleep while Jaga (Lion-O's mentor) pilots the ship to their new home. Years later our heroes arrive at their destination relatively unscathed, unfortunately Jaga has died of old age while piloting the vast distance to Third Earth, and Lion-O soon discovers that he has grown into a man while in stasis (thus you have a child's mind in an adult's body). Before the shock of this unexpected development can wear off, Lion-O and his comrades - none of which have aged at all - are attacked by Mutants ... again. Naturally the ThunderCats are more than a match for these bumbling villains and quickly drive them off, what they don't realize however, is that an even greater force of evil - Mumm-Ra the Ever Living - is watching their every move and plans to take the ThunderCats most prized possession - the Sword of Omens (which contains the Eye of Thundera) - for himself. Can the ThunderCats thwart Mumm-Ra's dastardly plans? Will Third Earth prove to be a good home for our heroes? Can Lion-O mentally grow into adulthood before his first prostate exam? Only time will tell.

The writing on 1980s action-adventure cartoons is notoriously bad, so it should come as no surprise that ThunderCats suffers from many of the pitfalls found in similar shows of this era. Whether it's the tame action (the kind where people aren't even allowed to punch one another), the overabundance of exposition (please Lion-O, tell me what you're doing again, I can't remember), the awful "moral lessons" (many of which don't make sense within the context of the story) or the dime store philosophy (Wow Tygra, you're so deep and insightful), the writing of ThunderCats is typical for the time. While these "average" stories make up the bulk of season one's 65 episodes, there were occasions where the writing did exceed its mediocre boundaries, a couple times for the better, but far too often for the worse.

Let’s start things off on a positive note. Leonard Starr does a great job when writing the ThunderCats. With his fantastic attention to detail - as well as his respect for the audience - Starr is the kind of writer all action-adventure cartoons should have. To find an example why, you need look no further then the quintessential ThunderCats story "The Anointment of Lion-O". In this five-part story arc Lion-O has to prove his worthiness as Lord of the ThunderCats by besting all the other ThunderCats at what they do best (strength, speed, cunning etc). While facing Tygra, Lion-O discovers that his opponent has the ability to create illusions using his mind, something that we had never seen the character do prior to this episode. Most writers wouldn't even bother to explain this new power, after all this is just a show for kids. Starr goes the extra mile here, however, and reveals that the mental energy required to create these illusions takes a great deal of time and effort to store up, so much so that Tygra has been saving his mental energy for months just so that he could use it during Lion-O's trial. This respect for both the intelligence of the audience and the shows continuity, make Starr the best writer on ThunderCats by far. Though not quite on the same level as Michael Reaves (from Dungeons and Dragons) Leonard Starr definitely deserves recognition for going above and beyond what was expected from action-adventure writers of the time.

Unfortunately, where Leonard Starr sought to raise the bar for ThunderCats, other writers like William Overgard simply churned out egregious and even insulting stories for the show. Two examples of this can be found in Overgard's Mandora: Evil Chaser duology. Featuring a laughable female heroine by the name of Mandora, these two stories paired Lion-O with the galactic "Evils Chaser" (or cop) in an obvious attempt to create a spinoff series. Some highlights from this include Mandora defeating an escaped prisoner with soap (amazingly enough this scene is actually worse than it sounds), Mandora and Lion-O conversing in the vacuum of space (I had no idea that the wind could blow through your hair without atmosphere) and robot space pirates (do I really need to make a joke here?). Another hideous episode would be "The Terror of Hammerhand" (written by Ron Goulart and Julian P. Gardner). In what can only be described as surreal, this story had unicorns, monster trees, giant birds and viking pirates that repeat everything three times, Three Times, THREE TIMES (yes, it's that annoying)!!! Now bad stories like this are not a rare thing when it comes to 1980's cartoons, and they're certainly not exclusive to ThunderCats (there was that time when the Defenders of the Earth got turned into animals by Dracula so he could put them in a circus, and the time Cobra Commander tried to carve his likeness into the moon, oh and the time that midget thieves hid themselves in an orphanage in C.O.P.S), but while these unabashedly awful episodes can be excused as an unfortunate byproduct of their time period, what cannot be excused is the poor storytelling found all too often in this show.

When I say bad storytelling, I'm actually talking about two different things. The first would be glaring plot holes born from an inconsistent timeline, the other would be lazy abuse of the three act story structure. So you may remember me mentioning that Lion-O starts this show as a young boy who physically grows into a man while in stasis sleep, thus a man child literally becomes Lord of the ThunderCats. This plot line is used continuously throughout the first twenty or so episodes as Lion-O struggles to mature his mind to fit his body. Then it just disappears, vanishing without a trace. Practically overnight Lion-O becomes a wise and introspective leader, just another adult like Panthro or Tygra. When WileyKit and WileyCat (both of whom are technically older than Lion-O) do something stupid, guess who's there to scold them for their youthful endeavors? That's right Lion-O. When something awe inspiring happens, guess who's there to put it into perspective? Once again, Lion-O. Other timeline inconsistencies include the appearance of various characters who knew both the ThunderCats and Mutants before either party came to Third Earth, yet none of these visitors act like much time has passed since the last time they saw them, or even look very old for that matter (which they would presumable be since many years passed while the ThunderCats and Mutants traveled to Third Earth). In truth these continuity hiccups probably didn't bother their intended audience very much, but I still found the whole thing rather frustrating.

Ok, so my complaints about inconsistent timeframes and dropped plot lines may be a little picky, but this next issue is very much a real problem. I'm no expert on three act story structure, but from what I understand the first act introduces the characters as well as the conflict of a story. With this set up out of the way, the stories main thrust then comes from the second act when characters undertake some sort of journey (internal, external etc) to resolve said conflict. Finally, the stories climax takes place during the third act and our conflict gets resolved bringing the story to an end. Almost all action-adventure cartoons - even the poorly written ones from the 1980s - adhere to this structure, ThunderCats was no exception. That said, what I discovered while watching season one of this show was that far too many episodes of ThunderCats (probably a quarter of them) abuse the second act of this formula in a truly shameful way. Here's how it goes down. The episode will start like a normal action-adventure show with our characters being established and our conflict (or premise) introduced. Skipping to the end the episode, our conflict is resolved (sometimes in a satisfactory way, other times not so much) and our heroes enjoy a cute epilogue. Both of these acts make relative sense and are pretty standard, what doesn't make sense is everything that happens in-between. Again and again I watched episodes of the ThunderCats where the second act was made up of completely random events. Now when I say random, I mean RANDOM. The characters would literally run around, encounter an obstacle, overcome it and start the process all over again until it was time to start the third act. None of these encounters had anything, ANYTHING, to do with the stories central theme or main conflict, they just filled time. This is supposed to be the meat of the story folks, the main thrust, not a loosely connected series of events barely bridging the first and third act. Where's the substance? Where's the struggle as it relates to the main story? I've watched some bad action-adventure stories in my time, but this ... this is just the height of laziness.

With the general writing out of the way I think now would be a good time to talk about the characters of ThunderCats. I've already mentioned the basic cast of heroes, but here they are again: Lion-O, Cheetara, Panthro, Tygra, Snarf, WileyKit and WileyKat. This is actually a pretty decent batch of characters, or it would be if the writers actually used anybody besides Lion-O and Snarf. The rest of the ThunderCats, while not absent from the show, don't really get any significant time dedicated to them, and this is a real shame. Sure, there are some basic character traits like Panthro's fear of fire-bats and Cheetara's sixth sense, but outside of these very superficial fears and abilities the show just doesn't dig nearly deep enough into these characters. What we needed were some interpersonal dynamics. Episodes dedicated to the friendships, rivalries and relationships of Cheetara, Panthro, Tygra and the Wiley twins, instead we got Snarf jammed down our throat time and time again. In case you don't know, Snarf is the "cute" animal like sidekick of the show. He basically provides comedic relief for the other characters by constantly being afraid and repeating his obnoxious catch phrase "Snarf" over and over. Why the writers of this show chose to reward this grating character with multiple episodes - specifically tailored to explore his personality - is beyond me (they probably thought that he was a fan favorite with kids or something). I don't need to see Snarf prove himself to the other ThunderCats (again), I need to see Tygra's reluctant acceptance of Lion-O as leader of the ThunderCats (I made the last part up, but you get what I'm saying). This really is a sad waste, if the writers of ThunderCats had spent more time utilizing and exploring their potentially rich cast I think that this show could have been much better.

Opposing our feline heroes are the villainous Mutants and their occasional ally Mumm-Ra the Ever Living. The Mutants - like the ThunderCats - are anthropomorphic creatures with various animalistic traits. There's the Mutant leader Slithe (who looks like a lizard), Jackalman (a Jackal), Monkian (a monkey) and Vultureman (a vulture). As far as villains go, this band of (mostly) incompetent individuals work well enough within the context of the show. Their constant bickering and backstabbing is a good contrast to the noble Code of Thundera and it helps emphasize the futility of selfishness and greed. The only problem I had with them was the lack of real motivation when battling the ThunderCats themselves. Seriously, outside of their underexplained desire to steal the Sword of Omens, the Mutants have no reason to even stay on Third Earth, let alone repeatedly get their tails whooped by Lion-O and his friends. There has to be richer worlds to plunder - preferably ones not inhabited by magical sword wielding cat people - why not go there? Ultimately this inexplicable obsession to acquire the ThunderCats mystical sword just doesn't add up. Unfortunately the show's primary villain, Mumm-Ra, fares no better in the motivational department.

All and all, I have to say that Mumm-Ra is the best villain in ThunderCats (the guy should really have a doctor check into his overactive saliva glands though). Besides being a genuine threat to the ThunderCats, Mumm-Ra's ability to shift forms between a withered old mummy and a super buff badass, makes for a lot of fun in the show. Additionally I liked how the writers gave Mumm-Ra an achilles heel for our heroes to exploit, in this case the only thing capable of defeating Mumm-Ra is the horror of his own reflection. Again, Mumm-Ra's motivation - like the Mutants - makes no real sense, and in many ways feel counterintuitive to the nature of the character. Before the ThunderCats showed up Mumm-Ra was just hanging out in his pyramid, sleeping in his sarcophagus and enjoying his golden years. Now he spends all his time concocting overly elaborate schemes to steal the Eye of Thundera, and slumming it with a bunch of low class Mutants. Mumm-Ra's an immortal being for heaven’s sake, not a petty thief. Even the cliched motivation of "taking over the world" would have been better than making the show's best villain a glorified kleptomaniac.

I can see how the premise of ThunderCats would be appealing to youngsters during the 1980s. Had I been able to watch the show at the time, I'm sure I would have fallen under its spell like so many others. Since this is not the case, however, I've got to say that there was nothing special about season one's writing. Outside of the superior work of Leonard Starr, the rest of the show was mostly mediocre, and all too often terrible. Poor story structure happens far too often, characters get over and underused terribly, motivations make no sense and plot holes abound. Basically ThunderCats is, at best, an averagely written show whose stories lack the excellence of Dungeons and Dragons, and the outrageous charm of GI Joe.

One area that ThunderCats takes a backseat to no-one, however, is visuals. Benefiting greatly from producers Rankin-Bass's regular collaborator Topcraft, ThunderCats features some of the best animation done during the 1980s action-adventure cartoon boom. The best episodes happen early on - most notably during the "Exodus" story line - with near fluid animation, gorgeous lighting effects and stellar backgrounds. The space battle between the Mutants and ThunderCats from the pilot episode was especially amazing. Of course this visual prowess does not carryover throughout all 65 episodes of the series. Like other shows of the time, various studios worked on ThunderCats. Some of these outfits - like Topcraft - did exceptional work, other studio's produced results that were far more lackluster. Still, when compared to other shows of the time, ThunderCats animation stands out as some of the best.

Another win for the ThunderCats would be in the design department. All of the main characters in the series, good and evil, look excellent and unique. You can see a little of the Rankin-Bass influence with some of the designs, especially Slithe, but that's ok because none of the regular cast members sport the infamous "bulbous nose" look seen in other Rankin-Bass productions. Equally good are the vehicle and technology designs used throughout the series. Specifically I liked the look of the Thunder Tank and Cats Lair (both of which made great toys I'm sure), as well as the Nose Diver and Sky Cutter vehicles. Unfortunately secondary character designs were far less impressive. From the generic looking "Warrior Maidens" to the freaky, Muffit styled "Ro-Bear Berbils", ThunderCats clearly didn't put the same effort into the semi-regular characters as they did into the core cast. That said, I don't feel that this diminishes the show in any significant way. Weaker secondary character designs were common practice on shows like this, and I'm only comparing ThunderCats to its peers anyway.

Now comes the hard part. While ThunderCats may be visually amazing, and the stories mostly average (though problematic), what isn't amazing - or even typical - was the show's voice acting. Featuring some of the worst performances in the history of action-adventure animation, the acting done on ThunderCats was abysmal, even by 1980s standards. Ultimately I would have to name Peter Newman and Lynn Lipton as the two worst offenders, especially given their awkward delivery and inability to emote. To say that Newman's Tygra sounded choppy and stiff is like saying Charles Manson has anger issue, though the statement is technically true, it fails to convey the proper magnitude of the situation. To give you some idea of how bad this delivery was, there was a time when I actually thought Tygra was dubbed by an asian actor, one who barely spoke english. But while Newman's work on Tygra was indeed terrible, I'll also say that the actor's portrayal of other characters is marginally better. Lipton, on the other hand, couldn't even muster one solitary good performance despite being the voice of every single female character in the show! Whether it's the odd enunciation of Cheetara (whose elongation of the letter "O" baffles me) or the hideous - almost old lady sounding - voice of Willa (leader of the Warrior Maidens), Lipton's ability to single handedly ruin just about every scene she was involved in was staggering.

It's not all bad mind you. Earl Hammond does some decent work on Mumm-Ra, and Earle Hyman's Panthro was pretty respectable. Overall though, I have to say that ThunderCats has some of the worst sounding characters of any action-adventure cartoon done in the 1980s (the only other show that comes close is C.O.P.S).

Having just declared the voice acting of ThunderCats to be irredeemably bad, I would like to step back and briefly mention the shows strongest feature. The ThunderCats title sequences is easily one of the best done in action-adventure history. Perfectly storyboarded and beautifully animated, this opening sequence never got old for me when I was watching the DVD sets. Complementing this visual splendor was the heart pounding theme music that - while short on lyrics - was infuriatingly catchy and 100% awesome. When fans of the ThunderCats talk about how great the show was, I bet you what they're really talking about is this opening.

Looking back over this (ridiculously long) review, I have to say that ThunderCats is a series of extremes. The show's title sequence and animation was extremely awesome, the show's voice acting and writing, however, was extremely bad. In short, ThunderCats isn't nearly as good as many fans remember. Obviously my lack of nostalgia for ThunderCats has hardened my opinion of the show more so than cartoons like GI Joe and Dungeons and Dragons. I can't really make any excuses for that, these things just kind of happen when you review really bad TV from your childhood. That said, I would still recommend that hardcore fans of ThunderCats checkout the first volume of this DVD set (it may be bad but it's still a far cry better than Defenders of the Earth or C.O.P.S.). If you can make it through all 33 episodes without feeling like your childhood has been violated, it might be worth picking up the rest of the series (don't pay more than $20 a set though). For what it's worth, the DVDs themselves are pretty well put together with decent packaging and a handful of special features (mostly interviews). Unfortunately they can take up some considerable room on your shelf. It's not terrible or anything, but I definitely would've preferred a foldout case, or even a slim pack to the three standard sized DVD cases found in each set.

Sinbad is so bad it should be a sin.

Producer Jeffrey Katzenberg is a bit of a polarizing figure in animation. Some people credit him for the resurgence of Disney's feature film animation in the early 1990s, others condemn him for helping kill the medium in the early 2000s. Personally, I think Katzenberg is a consummate business man who would rather exploit tried-and-true formulas than tell a good story. In other words I think that Katzenberg's better movies succeeded in spite of him, not because of him. I mention this because Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas has all the formulaic earmarks of a Katzenberg production. From the contrived romance to the forced humor, Sinbad offered up nothing new for audiences, just the same old animated schtick Katzenberg had come to rely on at Dreamworks. When the film failed Katz declared that traditional animation was dead and that audiences were only interested in CGI films like Shrek. Of course the sad truth isn't that audiences stopped caring about traditional animation, they just stopped caring about derivative animation like Sinbad.

I would like to just take a minute and go on a bit of a rant about CGI versus traditional animation. Released in 2003 Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas garnered a mostly tepid response, both critically and finically. Following the failure of Fox's Titan A.E. (2000) and Disney's Atlantis (2001), Sinbad proved to be the "last straw" of sorts for traditional animation. Unfortunately many people mistook the death of this "Katzenberger" style of traditional animation as the death of the medium itself. While the signal being sent to Hollywood was "we want different stories, like Pixar", all they heard was "we want movies that look like Pixar", thus traditional animation was all but abandoned. Exacerbating the situation was the fact that CGI films were getting a finical boost from their choice of animation method (how else do you explain the success of Ice Age?). This is because average moviegoers mistook the "new and shiny" look of CGI for fresh storytelling, a misconception that did not last long. Once the novelty of CGI wore off studios started seeing revenue decline. Why? That's easy, because people got tired of seeing generic looking, crappy stories in CG, just like they got tired of seeing generic looking, crappy stories in traditional animation a decade prior. Good stories are the key to sustained success, if you give people good stories consistently (Pixar) you will be rewarded with loyalty, this goes for both CGI and traditionally animated films. If you give people bad stories however (Shrek 3), you'll see a huge dip in box office returns down the road (Shrek 4), regardless of the medium. So stop trying to trick people into watching your movies with the latest fad and focus on telling good stories with a unique vision, otherwise we're just going to repeat this cycle again with 3D (actually it's already happening so get ready for the inevitable backlash).

Alright, putting that incoherent rant aside, it's time to move on. The story of Sinbad goes ... well you know what? I don't feel like recounting the story of Sinbad so here are the basics. Sinbad is an infamous pirate who used to be best friends with a prince named Proteus. Proteus is engaged to a princess named Marina (arranged marriage), but Sinbad also loves Marina (oh crap). Our bad guy (or gal I guess) is Eris, Goddess of Chaos. Eris wants the "Book of Peace" - an ancient artifact housed in Proteus's kingdom - so she hires Sinbad to steal it. Sinbad changes his mind however and Eris is forced to step in and steal the book herself, framing Sinbad in the process. Once arrested Sinbad tries to explain that he was setup by Eris, but ultimately he is given the death sentence because no one believes him, no one except Proteus that is. Unable to standby and let his friend die, Proteus exercises his right of substitution and takes Sinbad’s punishment upon himself, including the forthcoming execution. The only way to save Proteus is for Sinbad to find and return the Book of Peace, a task he only has ten days to accomplish. Luckily Marina decides to come along and help Sinbad so that she can save her future husband. Sound good? Well it shouldn't because this story is about as interesting as a paint-by-numbers stop sign.

It's hard to know where to begin when discussing the problems with Sinbad's writing. I think I'll start with the characters comprising its Arthurian love triangle. Proteus is a ridiculously abused character. If you merged King Arthur and Duckie from Pretty in Pink, you would get Proteus. In fact, for the rest of this review I will be referring to Proteus as Arthur-Duckie. Arthur-Duckie is the consummate good guy, the one who always does the right thing, never takes anything or anyone for granted and believes in others, even when they don't believe in themselves. While these selfless attributes may seem admirable, the film abuses them in an absurdly cruel way by having the two people closest to Arthur-Duckie walk all over him like a doormat. Don't worry though, he's really understanding about it. The bride-to-be of Arthur-Duckie is Princess Marina. Marina is about a shallow character as I've ever seen in animation. Serving as the films Guinevere, Marina suffers from both cliche and superficial characterization. You see Marina has reservations about settling down and marrying the future king Arthur-Duckie, part of her wants to live a life of adventure on the open seas rather than deal with the daily burdens of being a queen. Unfortunately this message of "follow your heart" comes off as a childish flight of fantasy, the immature dreams of a spoiled rich girl who knows nothing about responsibility. This is a problem because Marina doesn't end up exhibiting any redeeming qualities, instead she just appears selfish and disloyal, hardly a heroine worth rooting for. Then there's our Lancelot, Sinbad. Sinbad and Arthur-Duckie used to be best friends, but ten years ago Sinbad got a look at Arthur-Duckie's betrothed, Marina, and fell instantly in love. Not wanting to suffer the heartache of seeing the two wed - or worse get in the way - Sinbad runs away and takes up a life of piracy. Despite his thieving ways Sinbad is still a good guy at heart though, he just tries to act tough and hide it so people won't notice. Too bad he doesn't have a good woman around to help him open up about his feelings, maybe then he could become the man he was always meant to be (gag). It doesn't take a geniuses to figure out where things go from there - heck this is about a contrived a romance as you'll ever see - but while this predictable love affair is certainly A problem for the film, it's not THE problem. The real problem with Sinbad's love triangle is that the whole film collapses around its hideous execution.

The reason that Sinbad's romance causes so much trouble is that the rest of the story (you know, that whole "Book of Peace" thing) exists solely as a vehicle for it to take place in. In other words the success of the films plot depends entirely on the execution of Sinbad and Mirana's love affair, it's the stories linchpin (the catastrophically defective linchpin). Besides the problems I've already listed (Marina's shallow motivations and Sinbad's cliched "bad boy with a heart of gold" persona) the biggest source of romantic failure in this film is banter. Remember how great those fights between Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd were on "Moon Lighting"? When they would stand toe-to-toe in the middle of the room yelling at one another then storm off and slam the doors to their respective offices, that was great. Well Sinbad tries to use that same sexual tension in its narrative, emphasis on the word "tries". Time and time again Sinbad ineptly dons the role of "obnoxious" and "chauvinistic" pirate determined to get the princesses goat, all the while Marina plays up her irritating "sassy princess" persona complete with the "how dare you" attitude seen in about a bazillion other movies. It's awful. I'm talking groan out loud - you have got to be kidding me - awful. Glaringly scripted and completely unnatural, just about all of the exchanges between Sinbad and Marina play out like a bad sitcom, all that's missing is a laugh track. In the end these pathetic attempts at bickering start a snowball affect beginning with the failure of the banter, then the failure of the romance, and ultimately the failure of the movie. It may seem like I'm putting too much emphasis on the relationship of these two characters, but as I said earlier the "Book of Peace" is just a MacGuffin, its only purpose is to further Sinbad and Marina's romance. When that keystone breaks the whole thing comes crumbling down.

The rest of the films writing is so-so. Some of the exchanges are decent, I even laughed a couple times at the forced humor, but on a whole the film comes across as desperate. The writers just look like they're trying too hard, throwing joke after joke at us hoping that something will stick, not cool. Even Eris's motivational twist at the end of the film feels illogical and counterintuitive. Why would you concoct such an over-elaborate plot to throw Syracuse (Arthur-Duckie's kingdom) into chaos if you can send the whole world into chaos using the "Book of Peace"? That's like a poor person winning the mega-millions lottery, but only upgrading their trailer to a double wide. Anyway, when you get right down to it there's very little to salvage from this story, structurally speaking the pacing is solid, and the plot - for all its faults - is coherent, everything else is an absolute mess.

Visually I would describe Sinbad with three seemingly random words: beautiful, typical and awful. Let's start with the beautiful. The traditional animation in Sinbad is fantastic. From the fluid movement, to the excellent choreography, to the stunning backgrounds (especially Syracuse), Sinbad features expertly crafted 2D animation. Easily the best part of the movie, the only complaint I had regarding the traditional animation was that it looked like a typical Dreamworks film. What I mean by that is Dreamworks used the same basic look for all of its traditionally animated features, especially in regards to the characters. Having just re-watched "The Road to El Dorado" I was able to easily spot similarities in not only the character designs (which were obvious), but in the mannerisms and expressions of the characters as well. Though still beautiful, these visually repetitive renditions made Sinbad look a little inbred, something that rarely occurred at Disney. Still, this is a pretty picky complaint, overall Sinbad's hand drawn animation looked excellent and was the one bright spot in an otherwise ugly film.

So if the 2D animation is beautiful, yet typical, what would the visually awful portion of Sinbad be? Not surprisingly it's the CGI. Some people like to refer to Dreamworks traditional films as "tradigital". This is because the studio used a significant amount of digital imagery in its animated movies, even in scenes where it wasn't necessary. Though this is not a practice I normally approve of, I have to admit that Dreamworks did a good job of merging CGI and hand drawn animation in the past ... until Sinbad that is. Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas features some of the ugliest integration of CGI and traditional animation I've ever seen in feature films, the worst offender being a giant squid at the start of the movie. Early in the film Arthur-Duckie is transporting the "Book of Peace" to Syracuse via ship when he is boarded by Sinbad who's - of course - trying to steal the book away from his former friend. This awkward reunion gets cut short by Eris when she sends a giant squid to get the book for herself, thus forcing Arthur-Duckie and Sinbad to work together to fight the beast. From the moment that giant squid smashes his tentacle through the hull of that ship, you can tell this scene is going to be an absolute wreck.

Completely different in style, there was no way for this CGI monstrosity to blend into its traditionally animated surroundings, worse it doesn't even look like the computer animator tried. Part of me wonders if Katzenberg just told the directors to get it done and not worry about how it all turned out. Yes, that's some pretty harsh conjecture, but that's how bad this thing looks. The various monsters encountered later in the film do shape up a little better - though still not good - but it really doesn't matter because the movie gives such a bad impression at the start, you can't get over it. Several things about this irk me: 1) This movie was released in 2003, the art of integrating CGI and cell animation was not a new thing at this time 2) Dreamworks could have done a better job, heck they already did a better job in previous films like the aforementioned "Road to El Dorado" 3) Katzenberg looks like he just gave up on traditional animation by half-assing this aspect of the film, almost as if he wanted to sabotage Sinbad so that he could put an end to traditional animation. Am I being a little bitter here? Probably, but watching studios crap all over the admirable efforts of traditional animators with egregious CGI and formulaic storytelling pushes my buttons every time.

The voice acting from Sinbad neither offended, nor impressed me. Like most animated films of the time, Sinbad features a star studded cast including Brad Pitt (Sinbad), Catherine Zeta Jones (Marina) and Michelle Phifer (Eris). While each of these actors does a respectable job with their role, I didn't feel like anything unique or special was being brought to the table either. The hardest performances to judge are Pitt and Zeta Jones. Given how bad the movies romance is I'm tempted to include both of these actors in my - admittedly - harsh appraisal of the film. Yet when I really think about it I don't feel like they were the problem. Sure, Pitt and Zeta Jones could have had better chemistry, but truth be told their delivery of the films banter wasn't all that bad, it's the material that stunk. I think that if the writing had been better the characters would have worked fine with the voices as is, conversely I don't think that any actor alive could have kept this script from falling flat. Overall the voice acting and music from Sinbad do what they're supposed to, neither really stands out but they don't contribute to the films problems either.

Obviously I'm not recommending Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas. Though the traditional animation is good, even its light cannot escape the black hole of suck that is this film. Yes, I'm sure that children (and very simple minded adults) would find Sinbad an enjoyable ride, but this kind of pandering tripe represents everything that was wrong with traditionally animated feature films during the early 2000s. If you're looking for good, family friendly, animation that isn't rendered on a computer, then I recommend: The Iron Giant, Beauty and the Beast, The Lion King, Mulan, Aladdin, Tarzan, anything directed by Hayao Miyazaki, and of course the classic Disney films. Heck I'll even recommend Dreamworks "Price of Egypt" and "The Road to El Dorado", just don't bother with Sinbad, it's better left forgotten.

My 25 favorite animated feature films

Making lists has become a very popular thing to do these days, so I guess it's only natural that I'm finally putting together my own list of favorite animated feature films.

Before we begin I want to just make a couple of declarations, clarifications and caveats. First off, this list will only feature traditionally animated films (or at least movies that are mostly traditional), so no Pixar. I do this because (I feel) the look of traditional animation and CGI animation is so different that the experiences need to be judged with separate criteria, the same goes for stop motion animation. Additionally, this list is strictly MY favorites. This is not a list of "best" animated films, or most influential or successful, it's just a list of movies I love.

So with no further ado, here are my 25 favorite animated feature films.

25. The Simpsons Movie
For close to a decade the Simpsons was - by far - the best primetime animated sitcom in history. As the years passed, however, the show became so stale and repetitive that people began questioning whether americas favorite dysfunctional family was relevant - or even funny - anymore. This atmosphere of skepticism was only enhanced by the announcement that a Simpsons movie was finally going to hit theaters in 2007. Could Homer and company recapture the magic that made them a world wide phenomenon, or would they simply hack out a pathetic cash grab and put the final nail in the proverbial coffin of this once great franchise? Well, much to my relief The Simpsons Movie turned out to be a fantastic return to form, one that reminded me exactly why I loved these characters to begin with. I won't get into any plot details, but the thing that made this story work so well was the writers understanding of the Simpson family. Whether it's Homer's selfishness, or Bart's desperate pleas for attention through delinquency, or Lisa's environmental causes (not to mention her girlish desire for romance), or Marge's constant forgiveness, this movie captures all the visceral personality quirks of the Simpsons perfectly and enjoyably (heck, even Maggie gets her chance to shine).

24. Secret of Kells
This movie would have ranked higher on my list had the ending been as exciting and magical as the rest of the film. Instead it felt very rushed and un-empowered (to me anyways). Regardless, the Secret of Kells is a wonderful tale set in the ninth century, rich with Irish folklore. It's about a young boy named Brendan whose life ambition is to become a master illuminator, but to do so he must disobey his uncle - Abbot Cellach - who expects Brendan to follow in his footsteps and complete a giant wall to protect the Abbey of Kells from Vikings. This conflict is further enhanced when Brother Aidan arrives in Kells and takes Brendan under his wing as an apprentice.

23. Wonder Woman
Of all the action-adventure DTVs that have come out over the last 15 or so years, Wonder Woman is by far the best. Not only does this film have excellent animation (especially for a DTV), amazing action and a great story; it handles the tough subject of female empowerment in the most honest way I've ever seen. Directed by the fantastic Lauren Montgomery, Wonder Woman is a layered and intelligent DTV that remains the gold standard of the genre.

22. Millennium Actress
Directed by the late Satoshi Kon, Millennium Actress is a gorgeously animated movie that tells the life story of fictional actress Chiyoko Fujiwara by interweaving Chiyoko's journey to reunite with a long lost love into the various movie roles she played throughout her career. A beautifully poignant tale, Millennium Actress is a perfect example of how versatile a storytelling medium animation can be in the right hands.

21. Triplets of Belleville
French director Sylvain Chomet's 2003 movie Triplets of Belleville is a wonderfully offbeat film. Animated in a very retro - pen and ink - fashion this movie has tons of style and very little dialog. The story revolves around a tiny French woman named Madame Souza who must raise her grandson after his parents die. Unable to initially shake the boy from his depression, Madame Souza finally finds the key to getting Champion (that's her grandson's name) back on his feet, cycling. Years later, Champion is now a professional bicyclist competing in the Tour de France. Champion is unable to finish the race, however, and finds himself kidnapped by New York gangsters and taken to America. Determined to get her grandson back, Madame Souza travels to America herself and befriends the Triplets of Belleville, a group of three sisters who were once popular 1930s music hall singers. Together this mismatched band of rescuers set out to save Champion. Despite being a wonderful film, I cannot help but be disappointed with the way Triplets of Belleville horribly stereotyped Americans as fat, glutenous slobs. Yes, there is a sad truth to this stereotype (the US consumes egregious amounts of natural resources, our eating habits are terrible and obesity is one of our most serious problems) it ultimately feels mean spirited and resentful. Though it's meant as a caricature, I'm pretty sure Sylvain would be equally offended by a film depicting French people as unwashed, cowardly, arrogant, wine drinking, cheese eating frogs. That little rant aside, I love this film's artistic vision and charming characters.

20. Ponyo
Hayao Miyazaki's 2009 film Ponyo was almost perfect. Very loosely based on Hans Christian Andersen's "The Little Mermaid" story, Ponyo features a young - quasi-human - goldfish that falls in love with a boy named Sōsuke. Despite the disapproval of her father (who is some kind of scientist/magician), Ponyo eventually turns herself human and escapes to the surface world. Fantastically conceived and beautifully animated, the only flaw I found with Ponyo was that the final stage of Ponyo and Sōsuke's "trial" missed the mark. I don't want to give anything away, but I really wanted to see Sōsuke's loyalty tested by Ponyo's father, instead it all just played out like a big misunderstanding. Overall, this is a great movie though, and one that can be enjoyed by people of all ages.

19. The Secret of Nimh
This movie comes from a time (1982) when feature film animation was a little "darker" than it is now. Even Disney films like the Fox and the Hound and The Rescuers were far more moody than what audiences have come to expect. That said, this darker tone is perfectly suited for the subject matter of this Don Bluth masterpiece. Though set in our world, the story of the Secret of Nimh features anthropomorphic mice who live on a farm. One such mouse, Mrs. Brisby, is trying to move herself and her children from their current home - which is in the middle of a field - before plowing begins that spring. Unfortunately her youngest child has fallen ill and cannot leave the home, so Mrs. Brisby must seek the assistance of super intelligent rats led by the mysterious and mystical Nicodemus. Featuring amazing animation - and world building - the Secret of Nimh is Don Bluth's best directorial work.

18. Bambi
Do I really need to explain why this film is on my list? I thought not. Sufficed to say, Bambi is one of the most visually groundbreaking animated films ever created. Funny, tragic, inspiring an honest, this is one of Walt's greatest accomplishments.

17. Lady and the Tramp
Much like Bambi, I see no need for a plot synopsis with Lady and the Tramp. Gorgeous animation, idyllic backgrounds and a timeless story (not to mention a little risque), Lady and the Tramp literally could not be any better than what it is.

16. Mulan
While it'll never be as popular - or influential - as other Disney films, Mulan is still an excellent movie. The stories heroine is Mulan, a Chinese girl who pretends to be a man so that she can serve the military in her fathers place (her father has become too frail to serve himself). Featuring excellent music, attractively simple character design and lots of laughs (courtesy of Eddie Murphy), Mulan not only delivers in the entertainment department, it effectively drives home the great message that women are just as capable as men.

15. Paprika
Another amazing Satoshi Kon film. In this 2006 psychological thriller, a new device called the "DC mini" has been invented allowing people to insert themselves into dreams. Developed as a new form of psychotherapy, one of the Doctors working on the project has begun using the device to help people under the persona "Paprika". Before the DC Mini is approved by the government, however, three prototypes are stolen and mysterious deaths begin to occur. Upon investigation, Paprika is drawn further and further into a twisted dream world where reality and dreams begin to become one. Using all the tricks he developed in previous projects, I feel that Paprika is Satoshi Kon's best work. If you liked Inception you'll probably dig Paprika.

14. Tarzan
This movie is a visual feast. Basically you get some of the best traditional animation ever, seamless CGI integration (seriously, checkout those branch surfing scenes) and wonderful music. All wrapped together by a tight story that can actually pull at the heart strings when it wants. Like Mulan, this film may never be a classic, but it certainly is amazing.

13. Aladdin
Despite being a great film, there's actually some negativity one must acknowledge when talking about Aladdin. For one, people have accused the film of "borrowing" heavily in both look and feel from The Thief and the Cobbler, a movie that was plagued by years of on again, off again production. Secondly, Aladdin contains a great deal of pop-culture humor, something that many critics (and fans) dislike because it goes for "cheap" laughs and dates the film (seriously Robin Williams, my kids don't even know who Arsenio Hall is). Finally, very few people ever mention this, but the whole genie portion of Aladdin plays out very closely to another Disney film released only two years prior, Duck Tales Treasure of the Lost Lamp (give it a watch sometime and you'll see what I mean). All that said, I still believe that Aladdin is one impressive animated feature. Great story, great songs, great animation and great characters make this movie one of most beloved - and well rounded - Disney films ever made.

12. Ghost in the Shell
Though made in 1995, Ghost in the Shell is still an amazingly relevant piece of science fiction noir. Set in the year 2029, our primary protagonist is the cyborg officer Major Kusanagi, a member of the special police task force Section 9. While investigating the world renowned hacker "Puppet Master" Kusanagi begins to ponder her own existence as an artificial being,and soon discovers that the Puppet Master may hold the answer to her philosophical dilemma. While an excellent story with some unexpected twists, the thing that really sets Ghost in the Shell apart is its amazing visuals. Groundbreaking animation, insanely detailed backgrounds and some of the best action choreography ever put on film make Ghost in the Shell a definitive anime movie.

11. Peter Pan
It's hard for me to say exactly why I like this film so much. It isn't any one or two specific things I suppose ... it's everything. I love the look, the story, the voice acting, the pacing, the music and all the stuff in-between. Additionally, this is the last Disney film to feature all of Disney's Nine Old Men as directing animators, so in some ways it's the end of an era as well. Based on the J. M. Barrie story "Peter Pan, or The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up", Peter Pan is just great execution of a great concept, one that I can watch over and over again.

10. Sleeping Beauty
This film is just an amazing piece of art. Every time I watch Sleeping Beauty I'm blown away by the film's color styling and elaborate backgrounds. Artist Eyvind Earle not only designed all the fantastic settings of this movie, he painted the majority of them himself! Besides its visual prowess, Sleeping Beauty also has one of the best villains ever in Maleficent, and a prince that actually does something besides marry the princess (unlike those lazy princes from Snow White and Cinderella). Granted, it's not the most amazing story you'll ever see, but whatever shortcomings Sleeping Beauty may have are easily overcome by its unmatched artistry.

9. Castle in the Sky
Originally titled Laputa: Castle in the Sky, this movie may not be as highly praised as other Miyazaki films, but it's still an amazing piece of storytelling and one of my favorite animated features. The story of Laputa involves two youngsters named Sheeta and Pazu. After a somewhat unorthodox first meeting, these two heroes band together to uncover the location of Laputa, a castle that literally floats in the sky. To do this they must endure military agents, sky pirates and a giant robot capable of unbelievable amounts of destruction. As always the visuals in this Miyazaki film are brilliant (especially for a film from 1986) and the characters both charming and endearing. Simply put, this is adventure storytelling at its best.

8. Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind
Another entry courtesy of Hayao Miyazaki (and my list isn't even done yet). Nausicaa may not be the first film Miyazaki directed, but it certainly is his breakout film. Released in 1984 and written by Miyazaki himself, Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind is set in a post apocalyptic future where toxic jungles now consume much of the planet's surface making it difficult for humans to survive. Our heroine is Nausicaa, a young princess who must find a way for people to coexist with the environment before the rash actions of others lead to the total annihilation of mankind. Though obviously environmental in origins, the story of Nausicaa is the kind that gets its message across without sounding like some PSA (I'm looking at you Fern Gully). Thought provoking and in many ways ahead of its time, Nausicca and the Valley of the Wind is a beautiful film with substance.

7. The Lion King
It's not the most original story, but what the Lion King lacks in originality it more than makes up for with execution. What blows me away the most about this film is the emotional impact you get from the characters performances. Whether it's the look in Mufasa's eyes when Scar betrays him, or the heart wrenching attempts by Simba to wake up his father, the Lion King gives you goosebumps time and time again. It doesn't hurt that the animation and music are some of the best ever by Disney either.

6. Batman Mask of the Phantasm
Outside of the medium of print, Batman Mask of the Phantasm is the quintessential Batman story. A fantastically clever plot (loosely based on Batman Year Two I think) with a brilliant twist, Mask of the Phantasm tells the story of a young Bruce Wayne unsure of his decision to fight crime after he falls in love, and a modern day Batman struggling to catch a killer with ties to that past. Compared to many of the other films on this list, the animation found in Batman is only average (I believe it was supposed to be a DTV but got a theatrical release once higher-ups saw how good it was). That said the climax of this film does sport some awesome action and impressive visuals. Honestly, I love this movie so much it should probably be illegal.

5. Akira
Where Hayao Miyazaki's films transcend the genre of anime, Katsuhiro Otomo's "Akira" defines it. Released in 1988 and based on Otomo's hit manga of the same name, Akira is - arguably - the most important piece of anime ever produced. Set in the futuristic city of Neo-Tokyo in the year 2019, Akira revolves around two friends named Kaneda and Testuo. Like other delinquent youths, these two orphans fight on motorbikes with other gangs in the streets of Neo-Tokyo. During one of these battles Testuo collides with an unusual looking child who has blue skin and psychic abilities. The result of this encounter is that Testuo gains near godlike powers. Powers that bring out the worst in Testuo and drive him insane. Torn between the desire to save his friend and the responsibility he feels to stop him, Kaneda finds himself fighting a battle that may decide the fate of all Neo-Tokyo. For me to say the animation in this movie looks "amazing" or "beautiful" is an understatement. Akria is - quite simply - one of the most technically impressive films in the history of traditional animation. Backgrounds are unbelievable, the biker fight scene from the start of the movie is mind blowing, Testuo's first flight, the battle of Kaneda and Testuo, the chase in the sewers ... words just can't describe the sheer level of awesome achieved in these scenes. It's been over two decades since Akira set the bar for anime, to date no one has been able to raise it.

4. Spirited Away
Winner of the 2001 best animated picture Oscar, Spirited Away is - in my opinion - Hayao Miyazaki's most charming film. When ten-year-old Chihiro and her parents set out to move to a new town they encounter an abandoned theme park in the middle of nowhere. While Chihiro explores the rundown park her parents begin gorging themselves on food from one of the local vendor stands. As night descends, Chihiro returns to find both her mother and father transformed into pigs and spirits wandering the streets. Now trapped in this bizarre world, Chihiro must go to work at the local bathhouse while trying to figure out a way to save her parents. As always, Miyazaki creates a wonderful world full of rich characters and beautiful visuals. This is easily the most recognizable Studio Ghibli film here in the US, and its success opened the door for all of Miyazaki's other films to be released here.

3. Beauty and the Beast
The first ever animated film to be nominated for the Best Picture Oscar, Beauty and the Beast is Disney magic at its best. Though it features an astounding assortment of songs, phenomenal animation and great romance (this from a guy who isn't a romantic), the thing I love most about this movie is its characterization. Seeing the Beast change from a spoiled, angry child into man capable of sacrifice and compassion (I love that last scene with Gaston) is one of the best character evolutions in the history of film (not just animation). Hands down my favorite animated Disney feature.

2. Princess Mononoke
If I had to describe this film in a single word it would be "epic". Epic animation, epic story, epic music ... epic everything. Directed by master filmmaker Hayao Miyazaki, Princess Mononoke is one of the most intelligent and thought provoking stories you'll find in animation (or film in general). The plot centers around Ashitaka, the last prince of the Emishi. While protecting his village from a giant boar spirit turned demon, Ashitaka's arm becomes infected with a cursed mark that will spread throughout his body and eventually kill him. Upon discovering that the boar's madness was caused by an iron bullet, the young prince sets out on a journey to the west to discover the weapon's origin. Like Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind before it, Princess Mononoke's plot is rooted heavily in environmentalism. Unlike Captain Planet and Fern Gully, however, Princess Mononoke doesn't present a black-and-white view of the subject. Instead of using the cliche "Man cut down trees, bad. Noble savage and nature, good" Miyazaki carefully constructs a story where there are no villains, just people with different agendas. Sadly, these agendas can be very destructive, but the people behind them are often quite noble and well intentioned. This is the brilliance of Princess Mononoke, the film doesn't try and preach at its audience or pass judgment on its subject, directors like James Cameron could learn a lot from this film (his movie Avatar is ungodly preachy). Epic in scope and perfect in execution, the Princess Mononoke is my favorite Hayao Miyazaki film.

1. The Iron Giant
In 1999 this movie was a flop. Released behind a poor marketing campaign, The Iron Giant came and went from theaters so fast that it might as well have never existed. I was working as the projectionist at a local second run theater at the time and stayed late to watch the movie after building it on Thursday night. I was mildly interested in the story since it appeared to have science fiction origins, but my expectations were pretty low. About half way in I realized I was watching a masterpiece. Directed by two time Oscar winner Brad Bird (Incredibles, Ratatouille), The Iron Giant is a film that shows no fear when breaking from convention. Where other animation directors simply aped the Disney formula in the late 90s, Bird chose to tell a story that had no musical numbers, no princesses, no cute sidekicks and no romance. Instead of adapting some overly familiar fairy tale Bird based his film on a 1968 novel titled “The Iron Man” by Ted Hughes. Set in the year 1957 during the height of Mccarthyism and the Red Scare, The Iron Giant tells the story of Hogarth, a young boy who befriends a giant robot from outer space while trying to hide it from government agent Mansley. An amazingly touching film that captures a time in American history where fear dictated far too many of our actions (something we should remember these days), the Iron Giant is – simply put - Powerful. From a visual perspective, Brad Bird took no shortcuts while making this film either. Featuring a beautiful color pallet and some of the best CGI and traditional animation integration ever, this movie looks fantastic. Though it was not a finical success, The Iron Giant did go on to receive near universal critical praise and is now considered a modern classic. Without a doubt my favorite animated film.

Batman/Superman Apocalypse - I've seen worse ... barely

When I first heard that DC was going to do another DTV of a Jeph Loeb Batman/Superman story, I was less than thrilled. Actually, that's a little generous, I was straight up pissed. With so many great comic stories yet to be adapted into DTV format, I felt frustrated with the current crop of modern story selections. Couple that with my familiarity of the hideously bad source material for Batman/Superman Apocalypse, and I just couldn't see how the movie would be any good. Now having watched the film, I've got to admit ... it's not horrible. It's still bad mind you, but nowhere near as bad as it's predecessor Batman/Superman Public Enemies, and certainly better than I expected.

The story of Batman/Superman Apocalypse revolves around Kara, Superman's long lost cousin and future Supergirl. Picking up after the destruction of the kryptonite asteroid in "Public Enemies", Kara crash lands in Gotham city and quickly finds herself possessed by powers she cannot control. Once subdued Superman takes the young girl under his wing and attempts to integrate her into everyday life. Batman on the other hand, sees Kara as a potential threat and makes no attempt to disguise his concerns. Meanwhile, Darkseid (ruler of the planet Apokolips) learns of Kara's arrival on earth and decides to kidnap her and brainwash the young Kryptonian into leading his honor guard (the Furies). Wonder Woman also gets involved thanks to the prophetic dreams of Harbinger, and brings Kara to Themyscira to keep her safe and train her to control her powers. Anyway, Kara eventually gets captured by Darkseid and taken to Apokolips where Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman and Big Barda must finally try and rescue her. If this plot sounds paper thin, that's because it is.

In terms of writing, the story of Batman/Superman Apocalypse has numerous problems. Let's start with the dropped plot point concerning Kara's identity. During the first act of the film Batman is clearly unconvinced that Kara is who she claims to be. This skepticism is reinforced - for both the Dark Knight and the audience - when Krypto (that's right, the Superdog) takes a very hostile attitude towards Kara in the Fortress of Solitude. Then ... nothing. The whole subplot about trusting Kara just disappears into an orgy of fights between Amazons, Doomsday clones, Furies and Darkseid. Don't get me wrong the action is great, but you can't just abandon plot points like this and think your story will work.

Another issue I had concerned the portrayal of Kara as a typical teenager during the shopping spree montage. Once Superman takes Kara to Metropolis for the first time (keep in mind this is her first exposure to human society outside of her crash landing) she immediately starts buying up trendy clothes like some character from a Bratz commercial. This makes absolutely no sense. Kara is an alien from Krypton, a society nothing like earth. Wouldn't she be more confused and lost than anything? Hell, there are people from our own planet freaked out by western civilization, I have a hard time believing Kara would gorge herself on it like some fanboy with a bag of Doritos. Ultimately, this depiction of Kara feels like some middle aged mans cliched view of teenage girls and the story is cheapened because of it.

Though this shallow depiction of Kara early in the film does subside later in the story, she never really finds any depth. An attempt is made to show her as sad upon losing a friend, but the film never develops the relationship enough for us to emphasize with her. Her reluctance to embrace her powers and use them for good gets downplayed throughout most of the movie, so when she decides to become Supergirl it really doesn't have any weight. Lastly, the bitterness and anger Kara feels toward the people who keep telling her what's best for her gets completely negated by the Darkseid brainwashing. Basically, every shot this film takes at making Kara three dimensional misfires horribly and the character suffers as a result.

Then there's the overall story macguffin. Why does Darkseid want Kara to lead his honor guard so bad? I know he hates Superman - and it would be fun to take away the only living blood relative he has - but somehow that just doesn't feel meaty enough. The whole thing just seems ... random. Like someone threw together a story with as many "hot chicks" and "heavyweight fights" as possible so the person illustrating the story could cut loose. Oh wait, that's exactly what happened. You see, Michael Turner was a very popular artist back in the early 2000s (Sadly he lost his battle with cancer in 2008. He was only 37 years old.), but he had never worked for any of the mainstream comic companies like Marvel and DC. When DC finally snagged Turner to do a short stint on Batman/Superman in 2004, they decided to make the most of the opportunity and gave the penciller a story he could really sink his teeth into. Unfortunately this turned out to be the comic book equivalent of Transformer Revenge of the Fallen, all flash and no substance. In the end we were left with some pretty pictures and little else.

So, with its numerous flaws - including a story that's about as substantial as a Kleenex tissue - why is it I didn't absolutely hate this film? Well there are a several reasons actually. For one, the humor works rather well. I chuckled numerous times throughout the story, and even laughed once or twice (and they weren't laughs of disgust!). Secondly, the action is amazing. Yes, I know it sounds hypocritical of me to both praise and damn this movie for having so much action; but while I would have liked to see a story with more substance, I can't help but admire the amazing fight choreography Warner Premiere is doing these days. Lastly, the biggest reason I didn't hate this movie was because the writer who adapted the story had the common sense to remove the egregious des deux machina Jeph Loeb wrote into the source material. Originally, the final showdown with Darkseid began with Kara being "killed" by Darkseid's Omega Beams. This led to a bunch of angry yelling about how much "spunk" the girl had, as well as some woefully deep reminiscing by Superman on the life of Kara. Then it turns out she's alive! How you ask? Well as luck would have it, Superman, Batman and the rest of Kara's new friends knew exactly what Darkseid was going to do and faked her death by teleporting her away at the last second! Brilliant ... no wait, I meant to say lame. This is exactly the kind of writing that has turned Jeph Loeb from one of the best writers in comics into one of the worst. Thankfully, the screen writer for this film saw how incredibly stupid and unnecessary this plot device was and removed it entirely from the story (now if they could've only done the same thing with that egregious Batman/Superman robot from Public Enemies, I might have actually liked the film a little). Anyway, the story for Batman/Superman Apocalypse is definitely not good. Knowing how bad it could have been however, I actually found myself giving the screenwriter a little leeway. Not exactly resounding praise I know, but considering the source material I decided to cut the movie a break.

As one would expect, the animation in Batman/Superman Apocalypse is impressive (or at least the traditional stuff was, the CGI was pretty weak). Based on the excellent art of Michael Turner, I thought the overall look of this film was solid, albeit not great (Turner's art is far too "sketchy" to adapt accurately in animation). I was definitely impressed with the way the animators captured the eyes in particular. Turner had a very distinct way of drawing women's eyes and this movie captures it perfectly. One criticism I did have however, was with the exploitative depiction of women in the film (Big Barda covered only by a towel, naked Supergirl running around Gotham city). Though this stems from Turner's own work (he was both celebrated as, and denounced as a "Hot Chick" artist) I can't help but feel that the "cheesecake" factor was a little overblown in this movie. Still, this is nothing new to comic books - or entertainment in general for that matter - so I'll cut the sanctimonious crap and move on.

I've already mentioned the amazing fight choreography found in this film, but the point definitely bears repeating. Every time I think that Warner Brothers animation (Warner Premiere) has reached the absolute pinnacle of action perfection, they find ways to improve upon it. Seriously, almost all of the battles in this film have mind blowing staging and choreography, especially the battle between Wonder Woman, Big Barda and the Furies, words cannot describe the level of awesome achieved in that scene. In the end, Batman/Superman Apocalypse lived up to - and in some cases exceeded - my visual expectations, a feat I try to not take for granted.

I don't have anything to say about the film's music, but the voice acting is worth noting because it - once again - reunites actors Kevin Conroy (Batman) and Tim Daly (Superman). For me, these two performers (especially Conroy) define Batman and Superman, and it's always a pleasure to hear them reprise these roles. Summer Glau (Kara/Supergirl), Susan Eisenberg (Wonder Woman) and Andre Bragher (Darkseid) all turn in solid performances as well.

I wish I could say this movie was good - or even decent for that matter - but the truth is my less than hateful views on this film stem from lowered expectations. It's not that the movie's story did anything right (because it didn't), it just wasn't as bad as the source material, and I (for some strange reason) feel grateful for that. In the end I would probably rank this movie in the lower third of DC DTV films. Better than Public Enemies and almost as good as Doomsday, but no where near as good as New Frontier, JLA Earth 2 etc. If you're looking for an animated action/adventure movie with some meat on its bones, Batman/Superman Apocalypse is not it. If however, you are looking for a beat-em-up action/adventure DTV with tons of action and a story that doesn't require any thought, it's a perfect match. Though I'm not going to recommend this film as a buy, the movie is worth renting as no brainer entertainment (if that's what you're looking for).